this week

This week felt like one of the hardest I've had- or at least hardest in a long time. I was on the verge of tears all week and my soul felt sad and broken. Throughout the whole week I was asking God to fill me with truth and hope and now after 7 days of tears my heart is beginning to be uplifted.

I have been in the counseling school for almost 3 months now and I have learned so much but with it has come some hard soul-searching type of stuff. Last friday I had a conversation with the school leader that left me crushed and broken. I am used to leaders loving me, I am used to being trusted and given responsibility, and I am used to feeling encouraged by my leaders. I have known that I put too much weight on what leaders think of me, but this week it all come to the surface. Although I know in my head that my worth and value comes from God, when my leader said very hurtful words to me, in my heart I felt so worthless and devastated. I felt like my character, dreams, and value was trampled on and I had nothing left. Throughout this week God has been speaking to me and I think it is getting into my heart more and more. Here are some of the little truths He's been saying:

* He is for me

* He likes me

* He will rescue me

* Psalm 27-- The Lord is the defense of my life... wait for the Lord; be strong and let your heart take courage

* He will lift me up in his timing

* He sees me and knows me

* I don't need to defend myself or try to get people on "my team"

* I need to release her and walk in grace and forgiveness

* He is trustworthy and good

I hope throughout this tough experience my value will be based on God's thoughts. I will wait for Him to redeem or change the situation. Until then--- I will stand on the truth that He is my light and my salvation, that He is faithful and good, and that He is my firm foundation.